Ali Boo

If everything always went as we wanted it to...

2012-01-09T18:06:00.001-08:00

Christian would be gone already today, and be headed to Chicago for basic training tomorrow, except instead he is picking up Chinese food for tonights dinner.

So before I say more, his ship date is still june 6th.

but here is a fun little story from last week

we got a phone call the Friday before new years, and Christian was asked if he would like to Ship out on the tenth of January instead of the seventh of June. when he called me to talk it over I immediately grabbed a calander, mapped out when he'd be done with basic, and when he'd be done with Texas. that would change it up from leaving for boot camp on the sixth of June to being done with training on the 19th of June! not to mention, I'd start receiving the oh so lovely Navy health insurance. After we called them back with a yes, they said we'd get a confirming phone call that day, or the next. BUT that day and the next came and went with no phone call. We didn't want to tell people before it was official, but we realized that as the day was a little more than a week away we needed to give some people a little warning. we also realized how much needed to get done if he was in fact leaving. but we couldn't start packing his things away until we knew for sure either. we were slowly telling people about it and I was getting scared of jinxing it with as much mental preparation I was doing for our potential next several months. then early

Then Tuesday morning Christian woke up to a phone call from The higher up that everyone was waiting on for the OK to get things started! he jumped out of bed and headed straight to our recruiters office to start filling out paperwork. I was so excited and I was sitting on the bed waiting for him to come home and tell me all about what had happened when I got a phone call. I have never heard Christian sound so defeated before. Christian said they got a call and were told that the position for Medical Corps was not available for that ship date, and if he wanted to continue he was going to have to give it up. they wouldn't even say what was available which looked like a big red flag to us. he called to ask me what I thought about it and I told him that if they didn't have his job, then there really was no question. we prayed a LOT about joining the Navy, and we went into it only after researching it pretty extensively. we talked to a lot of people, found countless websites, and even bought books. getting the position he did really was an answer to prayer in no uncertain terms. we really couldn't go with the offer any longer.

We were disappointed, but only until we realized that nothing had changed. We still had our original Ship date set and christian has his job still. And we got a chance to realize all that him leaving is going to mean. all the things we can do to be ready for it that we didn't even think about.

AND it jumped started me into a spring cleaning frenzy that I'm pretty proud of.

so here's to looking at the bright side =)

2011-12-28T19:32:00.000-08:00

I'm really not one who likes medicine in the first place, so when I became pregnant I had no problem with cutting it all out. but, as if just to spite my enthusiasm, I experienced an all day headache for the first time in my life just a month ago. and here I sit typing with only one functioning nostril, and just a minute ago it began to bleed (gross, right?). and I realize that I have never before attempted to endure a cold without any medicine.and it is treacherous.

We don't have any Tylenol at home, and I keep forgetting to pick some up while I'm out. A few nights ago I found Baby Tylenol in the cupboard and chewed about 8 of them, to try to reduce my headache and fever, but I don't think I'll be doing that again. it was totally gross and didn't work well enough to make much difference. I'm gonna pick up some vicks vapor rub tonight.

maybe I'll sleep a little tonight.

I've been asked to put together a sacrament meeting young womens program. the theme is arise and shine forth. I think that it sounds so fun and exciting but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little intimidated by this task. I wish I had someone to work with on this. instead I'm kind of flying by the seat of my pants, looking up songs and thinking about if and how to incorporate the young men. figuring out practices with them all to get the harmonies right. wondering how much participation I'll get from the kids. and speaking parts??? am I incharge of that part too?? I'll post how it is going as we get the ball rolling a little bit.

P.S. I am so excited for the new years eve dance coming up!!

2011-12-24T16:21:00.000-08:00

I just realized I didn't list any of my baby girl name Ideas. we still don't know the gender yet, but since the boy name is set in stone (a secret stone by Christian's request) I keep thinking up girl names. so far I like these the best:

Mabel Elise (Mae for short)

Dinah Louise

Anne Louise

Clara Anne

Mae Jaqueline

Jacqueline Mae

And I jump around between them a lot as to which is my favorite. right now I'm loving Anne the most, but that could Change by later this evening

speaking of later this evening, it's Christmas Eve!

happy holidays

Baby names

2011-12-21T16:08:00.000-08:00

I'm making a list of names I love for my baby on the way. They are all girl names, because if it's a boy the name is already picked out. I wish they could identify gender by listening to the heartbeat. Wouldn't that be cool? Yes it would. Christmas is almost here, and I am ALMOST ready for it. I need to pick up a very few things, and I need to wrap everything still.

but I have time.

That's what I keep telling myself.

I need to pull out my camera more often. it's so much more fun to update with images.

2011-11-08T22:09:00.000-08:00

Lately I have been feeling more than sluggish. more than nauseous. and more than gross. but today I have felt slightly better. I am excited for Christmas coming up so quick. I am trying to figure out in my mind what to do with my hair, because right at this moment it's more than bad. the only thing I can do to disguise the un-even parts and stupid layers is to let it be wavy every day. but even then it's just barely cutting it. I'm nervous about keeping it short because it takes a lot of up keep and you kind of need someone who you trust with your hair. since I don't have a live in hair stylist anymore, I think it just might be the push I needed to grow my hair out for a while. untill then I might get a slight A line cut. I'm slightly afraid of Salons though. I've almost always had friends or family cut my hair, and you'd think that would be the scary thing. it's just I don't know what any given Salon person thinks is a "cool" hair cut is. once I walked out of a salon when I was younger and realized that the man had given me an old Lady haircut. even though I gave him photos of the look I wanted. but once I made my room mate cut my hair, even though she had no experience, and that haircut got me compliments from complete strangers ALL the time. everyone wwanted to know where I got my haircut. but I got it cut in my bathroom. possibly the best haircut of my life. So now I'm stuck with no stylist and am in need of a new look. I guess I'll just have to suck it up and hope for the best. There is a salon within walking distance of my house. Maybe tomorrow I'll gather the nerve to go walk in.

2011-10-27T10:19:00.000-07:00

i'm sitting here, eating a delicious chocolate chip Fiber Plus bar, wondering where to begin. Soooo much to tell.

maybe I'll go in order, Christian finally signed all the contracts, passed the physicals, and was sworn in to the DEP (delayed entry program) for the Navy. He got the job he wanted with no problem (hospital Corpsman) and his scheduled ship date for Basic Training is June 6th!

A few weeks later I peed on a stick, and apparently two pink lines means you have a fetus in your belly. mine specifically. so we went to a health clinic and got pregnancy proof and they told us our baby's estimated due date is June 11th!

I've found the wonderfulness it ist o be a brand new mom. I can smell a dumpster from a mile away, .... oh man ... I seriously just gagged just envisioning that scenario. but really I only puke a few times a day every other day or so, so it could be worse. I'm learning all the tricks to keep the nausea away and they are a big help.

We met with Christians recruiter and told him that I'm pregnant and asked about our medical coverage, and just as we had suspected, we don't get any until he leaves for boot camp, FIVE DAYS AFTER the baby is scheduled to come. but Ramirez (our recruiter) said, that under the circumstances, he can request that they push our ship date sooner. so lets all cross our fingers.

We did a little bit of research when christian learned he was going to be a Hospital corpsman, and we learned that after boot camp they send him to School for 14 months in San Antonio Texas! We're really excited for that.

2011-07-09T14:26:00.000-07:00

"if you feel discouraged that there's a lack of color here please don't worry lover its really bursting at the seams"

I'm ready for some Adventure I think

I feel Incredible amounts of guilt

2011-07-07T17:16:00.000-07:00

When I think about how much neglect my poor blog gets. (my pen and paper journal is only a very slightly better documentation of me. mostly It's just a log of how emotional I am sometimes)

But here's whats new! Christian and I have been Very careful with our money since we got married. for some reason I have been obsessed with living like poor people, even when we don't really have to.

Run the air conditioning? are you crazy???!!!

get an Internet connection? WE'RE NOT MILLIONAIRES!

hahahahaha but really. I have no Internet at home and it plays a big role in the neglect this blog gets.

And at the moment we've found ourselves in this scary transitional stage where Christian has quit his job and filed a suit against his employer for lost wages. We've made a decision to Go into the Navy, but Signing up is only the first step, and we have yet to even finish doing that. on top of that, my hours at Sonic (along with every single other employee there) have all but vanished. I'm averaging 2 days a week about 5 hour shifts each. sometimes it's a little better, and sometimes it's even worse. so all that money I was trying to save, we actually can really put to good use now. I still am Feeling pretty positive about everything despite all of the above. We have enough in savings to hold us over for a while, and we really do have a lot to be grateful for. Now we're figuring out our next step, cause time has a horrible habit of flying and I like to try to be decently prepared for what life throws at us.

I caught the bug or something

2011-05-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

I baked a loaf of white bread last night! sooo much tastier than the sub par potato bread in our cupboard. If I had any wheat flour I would have made wheat bread, but I was really happy with the white bread too. I'm going to start making all our bread (given i have the energy after work sometimes).

We had our friends Julie and Tyler over late last night (or early this morning) for taco's, and I gave her a slice with some butter on it. she ate it and then two minutes later said "oh! that bread was really good! I forgot you made it cause it tasted so good" then was started talking about how sometimes when you taste home made bread it tastes home made in a not so fabulous way. I'm lucky to have such good recipes.

The Married life

2011-05-23T23:58:00.000-07:00

is actually even better than I was hoping or expecting. It's so much fun to always have Christian around, for our stuff to all be in the same place, and to share all our meals together.

The wedding reception was all kind of a blur to me, (everyone told me it would be) but what I remember of it I really loved. I wasn't stressed out about anything I got to just walk around and visit with everyone and the weather was absolutely perfect for the outdoor reception it was. I'm really excited to get pictures back from our photographer so i can remember the details I've already forgotten (or was too scatterbrained to notice)

I was amazed at myself that whole day. I didn't actually believe I would be so absent from myself. I couldn't complete a single train of thought without jumping to something else that I would also jump away from mid thought. and that's basically how i was the entire day. I think i said it out loud to a few people I was trying to have a conversation with. "I'm sorry I'm really not exactly here today" everyone seemed to expect it from me except for me ha ha.

but regardless it was a wonderful day. One of the best days I'll ever have. I'm glad that before all the hustle and bustle of the reception started, I was able to go and experience the serenity of the temple and be married and sealed to Christian for time and eternity. And It was then that it really hit me that he and I are now a brand new little family. one day hopefully soon we can bring a little baby Mears into the world and we can learn how to be parents together. and I'm so excited. I am truly happy with my life. I feel confident in the direction i'm heading and even though I know there will be bumps along the way, The view looks pretty good from here.

2011-04-11T17:30:00.000-07:00

I sent my invitations out about a week ago. WAY late, i know, but they're done now so at least I don't have to worry about it anymore. we used wax seals, which ended up doubling the postage, but oh well. now I know. and anyway, they turned out exactly how I wanted. I love them love them.

Sonic held this spur of the moment meeting on Monday where they broke the news that that night was the last night that sonic location would be open for business. So basically we all got laid off.

So if anyone heard that sonic was hiring, actually, they're firing.

at the end of the meeting they read a short list of people they were offering jobs to at another location. my name was read. I was relieved because weddings are very expensive, and currently, I make more than Christian does with tips and everything. At the same time though, I almost wish I wasn't hired back on.

I really need a new job. I really need to not hate my work so much. especially when I'm there so often. I spend more time with my co-workers than I get to spend with my family. i'll figure something out. tonight i'm going to apply online for Vons. The grocery business is really my cup of tea. I was stupid to stop working for SaveMart way back when. oh well. life is life is life.

2011-01-19T20:06:00.001-08:00

I serve food to a lot of different kinds of people where i work. very old people, Very young kids, people who are pretty clean, people who smell bad. people who tip well, people who try to get stuff for free from me. I have regulars who are skinny and regulars who are Large. I also get the occasional psychologically disturbed customer. these customers are the faces I remember when the day is over. these are the people I think about and wonder about and sometimes even pray about. I am so glad to have been born with a body that functions properly. i can see out of my eyes, hear through my ears and use all of my limbs. And most importantly, I am aware of reality. I serve this lady occasionally. she's always so confused and talking about people who aren't there. or pointing to "wrecked cars" that aren't there. she always looks a little scared. I would hate to have to live life being so confused and scared all of the time. I wish that that Lady had someone to take care of her. I can only imagine all the ways she could be taken advantage of. It's a sad story.

this has just been on my mind lately

I'm engaged!

2010-12-02T11:35:00.000-08:00

saturday evening christian proposed to me in the japanese gardens at woodard park. he gave me a beautiful ring with a pear shaped diamond . We're super excited, and everything feels like it's happening in fast motion. it hasn't even been a week, but we had our engagement pictures taken yesterday morning by my lovely cousin Chrissy Oliverson, and i already have my eye on the dress i want. not to mention I've picked out colors and a location for the reception. i know that there is a lot more to a wedding than what i've stated thus far, but my mind is constantly going over things and figuring out what would be nice and doable.

my life is changing forever. i can feel it on my skin.

-Ali Mears

woops

2010-11-04T13:39:00.000-07:00

last year right before my birthday i stumbled upon this website with really awesome hand painted bike hats. I fell in love with one design specifically and wanted one for my birthday, but I lost the web address and so i could never show anyone the cool bike hats i had found. and google was of no help. i couldn't even find another website like it.

then a month or two ago (right around my birthday again) i found the website again somehow. http://www.spokepunchers.com/ they didn't have the design i had fallen in love with a year ago, but i was still interested in designing a hat. so i emailed the lady about it.

we started talking colors and where on the hat i wanted the design. i told her about the native American Indian esque design i had fallen in love with a year ago and she said she remembered it and could do something similar. I asked her for a teal hat and said she could just use her best judgement on the rest of the colors for paint and everything. she asked me if i would want some gold foil. that sounded good to me!

two days ago i got my hat in the mail. i spent the first thirty seconds trying to fool myself out of disappointment but ...

the hat looks awful.

the hat is bright blue, which would have been absolutely fine if that was the only or even the worst mistake.

turns out the "gold foil" she spoke of was just glittery puff paint and as the picture shows it looks like a pretty sloppy job of it.

the lines aren't straight and i wouldn't be surprised if the dark blue was really just marker. the hat came shipped to me with dirty spots. maybe from smeared puff paint i don't know, but i paid 27 dollars including shipping to get a hat i would never wear.

it reminds me of a 2nd grade art project your 7 year old boy might bring home from school. not what a company devoted to selling custom hand painted hats would be shipping out for good money. i need to email her and ask for either my money back or a replacement hat. i really don't want to sound rude. how does one go about complaining in a polite way? that's my current dilemma

trying to find a balance, trying to build a palace

2010-10-25T22:49:00.000-07:00

Work has made me tired and my feet always hurt now thanks to my skates and so the past several weeks I have been adjusting. I no longer come home from work stressed to the max. I no longer have nightmares about sonic. I have found a balance with my work life and my actual life that I'm living. and life feels nice again. plus I'm making money! and Christmas is right around the corner. plus I'm saving all that I can for my... uhm...future. yes, that word is appropriate.

I know I said in a previous post that i wasn't going to complain about sonic, but i feel obligated to tell you that I never could know how much of a nightmare fast food really is if i didn't do it almost every day for the past month and a half. I've heard stories and been told that it's no good, but let me tell you something. it really is no good! plus I'm on skates. and anyone who knows me knows i have a hard time keeping my balance when I'm standing still on flat ground. i fall a lot at work. somehow i never drop food or drinks (anymore) but i frequently end up on my knees and they are black and blue half of the time.

I've been asking in my prayers at night for new opportunities. I think that prayer might have been answered just this Saturday. I was shopping for a gift for Christians mother at world Market (i LOVE that store) and i was talking to the check out man for a minute or two (i dropped the top of a glass teapot i was trying to buy and so we had to go back into the store and get one that was whole) and I don't even know what possessed me to ask the question but I asked "are you guys ever hiring?" and the guy said "yeah, actually we are, we just hired three people, and we're gonna be hiring for seasonal positions this next week probably" he proceeded to write on a sticky pad the web address where i could apply, then the name of the general manager and the number to reach her with and then told me the days I'd be able to get a hold of her. when I say that this question came out of nowhere i don't mean it was a strange question or anything, just that even though i love the store, the thought of applying there has never once crossed my mind. not even that day, not even really when i said it. it just kind of fell out of my mouth. and now, I've applied online and I'm waiting anxiously for Wednesday to roll around so Patty will be off of her vacation and will hopefully give me an interview and save me from fast food fiasco's evermore.

Pomplamoose

2010-10-02T18:47:00.000-07:00

I really really like this band. A friend of mine told me to look them up last December because the girl reminded him of me. I'm sure it's just the short blond hair. all of their video's on YouTube are way fun to watch. they cover really fun songs like Michael Jackson's beat it, Beyonce's single ladies, also mister sandman, and earth wind and fire's September. if you have the time, look up Pomplamoosemusic on YouTube. this song is my new favorite. for now at least

Donuts!

2010-09-29T14:32:00.000-07:00

Michele and I have played around a couple of times trying to get a good donut recipe.

our first attempt was a total let down. we made the dough the night before, let it rise and then sit overnight, then in the morning we painstakingly shaped the dough into donuts and fried them in hot oil. shaping them wasn't the hard part, but getting them to keep their shape while transferring them into the oil was the tricky thing. it almost seemed pointless to have let them rise because they deflated as soon as we started handling them. all of this might still have been worth it if the donuts had lived up to their word. but they didn't. they were definitely not cake donuts. they were very airy. not only that but they tasted more yeasty than sweet. dousing them in sugar and lemon curd helped but really they were a let down.

attempt #2, we found a recipe that didn't take overnight to rise so we figured it wouldn't be such a let down if it didn't turn out. the donuts were much better. the dough was sticky and hard to handle like the last batch, but it was a cakey dough, and was sweet and nutmeggy (that's probably not a word). I had a really hard time with the oil though this time around. I couldn't get it to stay at the right temperature, it either was much too hot, or else not hot enough. a lot of the donuts ended up burnt. it seemed like buying donuts from the corner was worth it, when compared to the trouble and mess that didn't leave us with lovely donuts.

For my birthday Michele bought me a donut pan from Sur La Table. it had 6 donut molds and a recipe on the back. i tried it this morning with success! the dough was simple and delicious, and I was thrilled to not have to handle the dough into hot oil. Instead i just had to scoop some dough in the molds, pop them in the oven then seven minutes later voila!

I had some food critics taste test them for me

they were chocolate covered by the end and asking for seconds. so i think this one was a success.

I stumbled across this in January

2010-09-20T19:56:00.000-07:00

After a while you learn the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and
company doesn't mean security,
and you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up
and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult
Not the grief of a child
And you learn to build all your roads on today because
tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can Endure...
that you really are strong,
and you really do have worth.
and you learn and you learn...
with every Good-Bye you learn...

-Veronica Shoffstall

It really made a profound impact on me. especially the line "So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers." in fact, that line is what made me first consider going on a mission. I copied it down in my journal, and re read it a few days ago. even though I'm not coping with loneliness, this poem somehow gives me strength and courage about what lies ahead of me in life. in all aspects.

I've decided that i don't want to complain about sonic. I am lucky to have found work. but in case you're wondering, i would gladly take employment anywhere else. although tips really do brighten my work days.

I am at a solid 125. I had been teetering just above it for a week or so, but now I only have 15 to lose till i reach my goal weight. woot woot!

finally

2010-09-09T08:57:00.000-07:00

I got a job at Sonic! It's exciting because it's a job and that's about it, but I'm happy to at least be working. And it will give me money to start working on my business with.

Two weekends ago I was camping with Christian and his family. We went into town on our last day and both of our phones started blowing up with messages from our friend Julie saying "my boss is hiring and he said he'd see you tomorrow at nine in the morning!" and "where are you! call me back!" and things of the like. Basically I missed out on the right then opportunity, but she told me he would interview me as soon as i brought in an application. I was skeptical. It seemed a little bit too similar to the last time I was camping with christian and his family and thought I had a job lined up for me at home. so I didn't really put any eggs in that basket. I still turned in an application and got a hold of some skates to practice on, but i was less than hopeful about it.

I got an appointment set up for Sunday morning before church started. (I put on my application that I wasn't available on Sundays but i figured I'd better not turn down an interview) I went in and talked to the boss. He had me skate around for him, then i asked "so how did i do? did i pass the test?" referring to my skating. He nodded his head and said "yeah, you passed, we're gonna go ahead and give you a try. when can you start?" I could start the next day actually, and he had me come in Monday Tuesday and Wednesday for training. It's a super fast paced business but luckily everyone is pretty nice so far.

like I said before, it's a job and I'm happy to have it, but it also makes me completely aware of what I want to be doing instead. and i am going to be working toward that bakery as quickly as I can.

130 lbs

2010-08-24T14:23:00.000-07:00

I gained a few pounds sometime in the past several months. I know it's not a big deal, but it's all i think about lately. I'm the biggest I've ever been in my life and my goal is to be the smallest i ever was (110). I'm not making much progress even though i am giving myself guidelines to follow. eh. maybe it's a slower process than i want it to be.

I'm riding my bike today in extreme Fresno heat. I have no car so i have no choice haha. Christians birthday is in 8 days so I'm running around figuring out where to get his gift. Hopefully it'll be as cool as I'm thinking it is.

I'm still looking into the bakery business. I'm even having dreams about it. hopefully that's a good sign.

2010-08-22T20:36:00.000-07:00

So, the baking position didn't pan out. (no pun intended)

I really felt like I had it after the interview too! I guess you never can tell what's going on in the minds of those guys.

Maybe i needed it. I was feeling like since i had the interview i as good as had the job. How arrogant of me. In my defense, I have never before had an interview that didn't automatically lead to a job.

Since then, I'm thinking more and more about starting a business of my own. My goals are to one day own a small bakery, but what I'm thinking about is a whole lot smaller than that. doing something out of my house based solely on pre-orders. I have to look into it more and see if i can do it. what it will really entail.

all i know for certain is the name of my bakery will be

Dang Good Bakery

and my mini business could be

Dang Good Baked Goods

I'm resolving to attack this. I can do it. maybe not right away, but It'll come to fruition soon

crazy

2010-08-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

about 11:30 Friday morning I was finishing up packing for a weekend camp trip with christian and his family, and I got a call from a number i didn't recognize. I was so busy with last minute stuff that I almost didn't pick up.

luckily I did. It was the manager of Great Harvest Bread co. calling me about a position that had just opened up at their breakfast place, Batter Up Pancakes. I couldn't believe it! I filled out an application in June, so i had just about given up on that place.

luckily I was still in town! had we left earlier that morning I would have missed the call. even if she'd left a message I wouldn't have been able to hear it until Monday afternoon as we drove back.

I have my interview in an hour. think positive thoughts.

2010-07-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

I've been babysitting for Michele since Monday. I got a call early Monday morning and she said she needed to leave in an hour ha ha. good thing i have tons of free time =)

she decided last minute to go with nick on a flight to Las Vagas for work. I'm sure they're having a great time. they should be getting back into town in an hour or so.

I've tried to be fun orderly and clean but man it is not an easy task. if there's one thing I've learned from nannying it's patience is key. without it you'll never survive. I think my patience has grown a considerable amount in the past year.

I babysat for Michele a year ago (i think) for a weekend while she and nick hiked with some friends. Lila was a baby baby and it was HARD on me. I remember just keeping up on the dishes and getting the toys put away was impossible. i think i even asked my mom for help one afternoon just so i could catch my breath and see something accomplished. what i remember the most though was how as soon as Michele and nick came through the door i only had enough energy to hand them their keys and walk out the door to go home. i was frazzled to say the least.

this time around was a piece of cake. i really enjoyed the kids. and i hope they enjoyed me. Charlotte and Elsie have each shed a few tears for missing their mommy, and i caught Lila earlier today calling out the front door for mama, but other than that we've had a lot of fun. I'm ready to go back to my reality too. i was supposed to be job hunting Monday. I'll shoot for tomorrow morning.

ice in places ice should never go

2010-07-21T14:19:00.000-07:00

two nights ago Christian and myself spent the evening at auntie Tree's house. Michele and the kiddo's were there as well so we all swam and snacked on pizza then ended up watching The Lion king, followed by Pride and Prejudice. in the middle of watching P&P, Michele said aloud how perfect it would be to have Wendy's frostys and some fries to accompany them. so christian and I left to get the midnight snack. it wasn't thirty seconds into the car ride that christian managed to jinx me.

I was more than a little frustrated.

see, Christian and I have a deal with jinxes. after you accumulate five broken jinxes the guilty party no longer owes you cokes, but instead you can cash in on a Jamba juice. I already owe him a Jamba. I'm pretty sure the score is 2/5. me being the losing party (with as much as i like to play these games you'd think i'd be a little better at them).

so our car ride had just begun and I was sentenced to silence or else be penalized with another mark against me. And Christian immediately began taunting me. asking questions and trying whatever he could to make me speak. knowing he had no intentions of letting up, i refused to look at him. really this only enticed him.

before the car ride I had filled a plastic cup of ice water, mostly ice, to bring with me. I decided that to get back at him I would spit this cold water at him. My first attempt i got his arm. he freaked out a little bit and said to me "okay, you really don't want to do that".

actually, I did. I really did want to do that.

I aimed and shot a little farther and onto his shirt. this time he said "If you do that again, things are going to get really bad really fast... for you". well I am no one to be scared of threats especially from someone who really deserves my punishment. and anyway, I had yet to manage squirting the water at his face as was my original goal. So without hesitation I aimed, and scored!

only to be instantly attacked and my ice water dumped straight into my lap

remember that I am still unable to speak. my lap was colder than it ever had been in my life. it was awful.

I know, I know, it serves me right.

when we got to the drive through Christian couldn't remember how many frostys to get and who wanted fries. in his desperate attempts to get me to gesture with my fingers the correct numbers he slipped up and said my name.

Victory is sweet.
and so are frostys.

time to pay up

2010-07-14T19:01:00.000-07:00

two nights ago Christian finally cashed in on his double double. Nick took pictures for us =)

we went to In-N-Out and each ordered our burgers. christian got a double double cheeseburger with no lettuce onions or tomatoes. I ordered a hamburger with extra tomatoes.

We weren't sure how messy we would get so we prepared for the worst. even I wasn't sure that i could resist getting him a little messy while in charge of feeding him. it wasn't until I had the burger in my hand that I realized how much power I posessed haha.

...the first bite

I guess I was able to control my urges to get burger on his face. I kept my guy pretty clean

last bite!

that was fun. and delicious. I can't wait till I get my grapes.

I LIKE YOUR BIKE!!!!!

2010-06-21T15:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you've heard, but i love bikes

always have

probably always will

a while ago i made it a practice to tell people that I like their bikes when i see them riding around. not because i necessarily like their bikes, but because i like the fact that they're riding a bike. when you're driving past someone on their bike you don't really have time for more than an "I like your bike!" christian started doing it too, and he'd tell me if he had told people he liked their bikes throughout the day. so I decided it would be fun to make a game out of it

any time we're driving in a car together the game is on.

if one of us sees someone riding a bike we have to call it first. if we see a biker at the same time and call it at the same time, neither of us gets it. this has maybe happened twice. it's not too common.

even after we've called a biker we still don't get the point until we yell "i like your bike!" loud enough for them to possibly hear us. if they're too far away no point. if you're too embarrassed to say it loud enough, no point. however, if the effort was made, and the rider happens to be wearing headphones, you get the point anyway. as long as if they hadn't been wearing headphones they probably would have heard you.

you get an extra point if they look at you after you after you call out to them. and another point if they say something back to you

in a group of bikers you get one point per person and an extra point for each person that looks at you, but only one extra point per group if they say something back to you.

while we were thinking of all the possible things that might happen this question came up. "what if we startle the rider so much that they fell off of their bike?" that would earn the caller a ten point bonus. I'm not sure if that would actually ever happen, nor would i want it to, but it's just a funny idea.

it's an on going game with no real winner. for every hundred points you earn you get to choose a food for the opposing player to hand feed to you. When you hit one hundred, your meter goes back to zero, but the other player gets to keep his or her points and play till his or her hundred mark.

christian hit his hundred mark sometime last week. I'm only at 39. I owe him a hand fed double double from In-N-Out. I'm not the most competitive person in the world, but I'm determined to get my skinless grapes fed to me well before christian gets his second set of hundred points.

there will be pictures when christian and i find time to make our way to In-N-Out and order his double double. Check in sometime soon to check them out. =)

I'm such a blog slacker

2010-06-17T18:50:00.001-07:00

One of my new Year resolutions this year was to fall off the face of the planet. I had a particularly unpleasant start to my year and felt like I needed more "me time". I kept mostly to myself and did a lot of soul searching. I felt like a Mission was something I would like to do, and then I told everyone about it (because, well, that's pretty exciting news) but I really haven't updated any of my online social networking sites since.

SOOO much has happened. I'm sorry for keeping everyone in the dark.

so here's to catching you up.

My mission goals are somewhat on the back burner. you can thank my boyfriend Christian for that. not that he told me not to go (not directly at least) but I've got other things on my mind at the moment.

Christian Mears and I started hanging out a lot about two weeks into January. our ward would play basketball Monday nights after F.H.E., and that was the first time I'd ever really talked to him. aside from hellos at Church. we quickly realized how well we got along and became very good friends. we both like a lot of the same nerdy things.

bikes
Anime cartoons
dungeons and dragons

camping and things of the like

i like to bake, he likes to eat baked goods. He is entertained when I'm being a super weirdo, or "feisty" as Desi and he like to call it. we'd long board together, lay out and watch the stars while telling "scary stories", and stay up all hours of the night most nights.

it wasn't too long before we realised we were a pretty good match and maybe we should try being a little more than friends.

Desi saw it before I did though. In fact EVERYONE saw it before me.

I was in a mode. Mission mode. I was sure I wasn't going to meet someone and so I wasn't even looking. and when I did think i might like him more than I liked my other friends I told myself "Alex, come on. not every encounter has to be a romantic one. you can just like christian because you are such good friends. maybe you're blowing it out of proportion".

I've got an all or nothing approach when it comes to my feelings for someone. I don't want to toy with the idea of a crush unless I'm sure it's worth the stress. because crushes are stressful if your name is Alex Freeman. all of the sudden you have to wonder about where they stand in the matter. you have to try to figure out what flirting means and you have do it no matter how cheesy you feel doing it, mostly because Desi makes you.

do i hold his hand? what are the rules for that? should i be straight out? play it cool?

and so I did all of that stressing for all of march until the 24th when we were official.

and Now we spend all of our time together. that's not an exaggeration. if he's not working and we're both awake, we are together.

if i had a picture to post I would, but Christian hates to be photographed and sabotages all of my attempts. I am just gonna have to be more sneaky about it I suppose.

I'm gonna sign off. Christian is heading over and we're gonna go play some D&D. haha

2010-01-25T16:59:00.000-08:00

hey guess what? I've decided I'm going on a mission! I turn 21 in September, so I've got till then to study study study and save save save.

when I finalized my decision I told a number of people. for some reason a part of me was waiting for someone to tell me "NO! Don't go! I can't live with you gone for a whole year and a half!!!" I got no such reaction. everyone was very supportive and glad about it. people at church keep telling me "well that's unless you get married first". I've been in that ward for a year with just abut no perspective marriage types. I really doubt that in a matter of 8 little months I'm going to meet mister right, and magically fall in love. I'm as single as can be, and as happy as can be. Also super excited and nervous.

2009-11-14T18:37:00.000-08:00

i don't like watching documentaries full of one sided information. there is much more middle ground then there are extremes. I'm sure everything they show is true, but leaving out the complete picture makes it all feel like a lie.

2009-11-09T16:01:00.000-08:00

Jay and i broke up, and it turns out it was for the better

anywho, look at this! i cut my hair and you get the full effect of it just by watching this relatively short video clip

2009-10-10T08:07:00.000-07:00

the reason I don't update this blog more often is that along with blogger, I update a facebook, live journal, myspace, and twitter account. and I can't bring myself to re post on any for fear someone will happen upon it and then call me out on my unoriginality. or that they'll tell me to delete one of my way too many blogging sites.

but here I am to update. I've been nannying for the past month and a half or so. It is really hard work. I'm sure if I were a mother I would know more of how to handle sticky situations or tantrums that last half of the day, but I'm getting better at it. The two little boys, Peyton and Logan, are at tough ages. 3 and a half years, and six months. Logan, the baby, requires almost all of my attention all of the time. but so does Peyton with his rowdiness. I was super stressed out the first couple of weeks but it's gotten better. I work from 5:30 am to 3:00 pm Tuesday through Friday and then Saturdays I don't work till 7:30. it's nice to get more sleep on Saturday, but I don't get home till 530 usually and am too tired to do anything fun usually. I'm hoping to find something that's a little less demanding of my time, and Michele really wants this job, so I won"t have to worry about abandoning their mother with no options.

I'm dating a Boy named Jay. We met around the middle of July and have been dating ever since. I'm not really sure how it'll pan out later on, but things are pretty nice right now. but then I think that that's a really lame way to look at things. basically, I know I wouldn't marry him. not unless huge huge changes were made. and I'm not really betting on those changes ever happening. he knows what I'm looking for ultimately and that he doesn't actually fit that, and sometimes I feel like we're both just conveniently ignoring the fact. but lately I'm worried that the longer I wait the bigger the mess will be when it all comes to a head. I'm emotionally attached, yes, but not as attached as I might be in a few months. or a year. basically, I don't want to waste my time and emotions on something that I know won't last. but it's nice to not be alone, and I really do like him for a lot of other reasons.

The big Fresno Fair is in town. I ate the most Delicious chocolate hazelnut gelato ever when I went yesterday. Oh! I saw the beach boys! they were so good. I couldn't get over how cute those old men were with their dance moves hahaha. but seriously, that gelato. I'm going back before the fair's over just so I can get another taste.

speaking of sugary foods. I'm putting myself on a diet. not to lose weight necessarily, but more as a preventative action. since I've been working such early and long shifts I've found myself sleep deprived and craving nothing but sugar sugar sugar. and I love sugar so much that I didn't think much of it at first and let myself eat whatever i wanted, but I was still super tired all the time and didn't feel good about it. so I put a stop to the candy intake. anytime I crave junk food I find something substantial for me to eat and get full on that so the sugar cravings will leave me alone. so far it's worked...except I let myself go wild at the fair. because come on, it's the fair. one day of junk food won't kill me. not today at least.

2009-09-07T08:54:00.000-07:00

i fell into a rut a while ago. I've finally got the motivation to dig myself outta there. today I'm getting a bike for desi from Kelah so that me and desi can go on bike rides together. I'd also like to go the the library today and check out some books. corrina and Josh really want to see me today, but they're in kind of a fight and so I can't hang out with them together perfectly comfortably. how lame, huh. I've been feeling like I've found my direction again. now i just have to make sure I keep my feet on the path and don't get distracted by stupid things along the way.

ha ha

2009-09-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

if I die at least by the time I'm 38, then THIS could be my midlife crisis =)

how sweet.

my life is pretty smooth lately

tag you're it

2009-08-07T08:22:00.000-07:00

hmmm... I'm gonna tag my good old friend Wind. I haven't hung out with her since kindergarten or something. ha ha ha

1. First thing you wash in the shower? my poor dry hair so i can condition it for as long as possible

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Grey. it's not very comfy, it's just my favorite cause i got it from a friend

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? no, that ship is sailed. hopefully soon I can answer this question differently though ;)

4. Do you plan outfits? not really. my outfit is constantly changing until I walk out the door

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? good. a litte nauseous

6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red? My red EFY T-shirt

7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? Last night I was talking to my friend Alexis about her boy problems, then all of the sudden the was talking about "Alexis" as if it wasn't her. and right then the boy she was talking about appeared and they were both telling me this story about him and Alexis. it didn't seem weird until I woke up and thought about it.

8. Did you meet anybody new today? Not yet, but the day is young

9. What are you craving right now? I'm not hungry

10. Do you floss? every day

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? the answers LoRen and michele gave. hah

12. Are you emotional? I'd say no. but I tear up often at church and if someone else is crying I'll cry for them.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? it's not likely

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick or kinda slurp haha. I have sensitive teeth

15. Do you like your hair? I'm liking it more and more everyday. it seems hair and regret go hand in hand so I'm over the idea of cutting it anymore

16. Do you like yourself? mostly.

17. Would you go out to eat with George W.Bush? only if he promised not to make me look like a fool by talking about politics.

18. What are you listening to right now? I wish I caould say something good, but my house is silent

19. Were your parents strict? I was allowed to do basically whatever I wanted to when I got to high school, but before that, kinda.

20. Would you go sky diving? I'd die of anxiety before I ever hit the ground

21. Do you like cottage cheese? I love cottage cheese with pepper. none of that fruity none sense

22. Have you met a celebrity? nah

23. Do you rent movies often? nope

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in right now?m nails are kinda sparkly

25. How many countries have you visited? the U.S. of A.

26. Have you made a prank phone call? yes! haha

27. Ever been on a train? yes

28. Brown or white eggs? the brown ones are pretty

29.Do you have a cell-phone? kinda

30.Do you use chapstick? everyday

31. Do you own a gun? eek, no way

32. Can you use chop sticks? Yes.

33. Who are you going to be with tonight? Jay is coming over later to make me food and watch a movie

34.Are you too forgiving? I don't think it's possible to be too forgiving. I think people confuse forgiveness with allowance though, and that's the thing people need to pull the plug on.

35. Ever been in love? once or twice someone has made my heart ache.

36. What are your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? I'll ask my sisters later today when I see them at auntie Treesie's.

37. Ever have cream puffs? yumm. i mean yess

38. Last time you cried? I woke up sobbing from a dream where desi died. when I layed down to sleep again I had the same dream but with nick, then another dream with loRen and I decided not to try to sleep anymore that night. I don't remember last time I actually sobbed so much .

39. What was the last question you asked? "hello?"

40. Favorite time of the year? I love the spring. I get robbed of it living in fresno, but it's still my favorite

41. Do you have any tattoos? not now not ever

42. Are you sarcastic? I used to be more sarcastic

43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? years ago

44. Ever walked into a wall? no doubt

45. Favorite color? teals and golds lately

46. Have you ever slapped someone? I used to slap my friend Armanni all the time in high school.

47. Is your hair curly? just kinda wavy

48. What was the last CD you bought? it's been years and years and years

49. Do looks matter? a little bit

50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? hmm. I'm sure they'd deserve a second chance, but I can't guarantee I'd be the one to give it.

51. Is your phone bill sky high? nah

52 Do you like your life right now? A job would make it sooo much better

53. Do you sleep with the T.V. on? no way jose

54. Can you handle the truth? better than a lie for sure

55. Do you have good vision? I need to get my eyes checked

56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? unfortunately I dislike quite a few people. I wish people were less scummy. I need help to fully forgive that's for sure.

57. How often do you talk on the phone? rarely

58. The last person you held hands with? Elsie

59. What are you wearing?blue running shorts and a red EFY T-shirt

60.What is your favorite animal? kitties

61. Where was your profile picture taken? I believe it was at a 24 hour donut house. unless it's the one at the studio. one of those atleast

62. Can you hula hoop? hecka

63. Do you have a job? not really

64. What was the most recent thing you bought? hmm. i think it was french fries a week ago or something

65. Have you ever crawled through a window? often times I lock myself out of places. and when a door is closed usually there is an open window

summer time

2009-06-18T20:49:00.000-07:00

and the livings easy

it's been sooo long since i posted anything!

2009-06-06T12:06:00.000-07:00

I got my bike finally about a month ago. I still don't have a picture of myself on it yet but I'll fix that in the near future.

my friends and I made a silly video one night, and I came across it today. it's not that entertaining, but if you're bored go for it =)

updated version.

2009-04-04T16:05:00.000-07:00

a look in

2009-04-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

i realized I had this recording of my song "inside" from the first day i wrote it.

the song had changed a bit and been made longer, but it's cool that I have this of the early stages.

I'll post the newest version when I get my camera all charged up

so much is so rotten

2009-03-28T02:10:00.000-07:00

today as i was painting at my sisters house i had a lot of time to think.

so I'm painting and thinking about the people I know. and which of them I consider to be my friends. which ones I trust and which ones have done things that hurt me. the amount of time I've known them and the amount of respect I have for them.

then I wondered if any of them respect me. and if that respect matched mine for them. if they ever cared if they hurt me. if they would do it again. if they deserved the trust I give them.

then I realized that there is absolutely no way for me to ever know if someone is Lying to me. Not if someone has lied to me just once or the entire time I've known them. and I may never get wise to someones deception.

and how can I react to this?

how do i react when I notice the sideways glance I never thought would come from you? how do i react to hearing about a secret I told you from a new party? how do I react to bad friends?

I decided that in the end I can only be accountable for myself. I'm not going to change anyone. and I'm not counting on anyone changing themselves on account of me.

the type of person I want to be is a good friend. so I will continue to help when you ask. I will continue to keep your secrets. I will continue to forgive and give the benefit of the doubt. because I can't allow someone else to make me become less than i am.

there are people in my social circle who have told terrible lies, let out huge secrets, and just been all around mean to me. through experience I've learned that holding grudges causes more stress than it's worth and causes too much drama. even if trust is gone I can hold a friendly conversation with a person who has been and will probably continue to be a nasty friend to me.

I can't let them change who I am.

because I also realized no one can know if I'm lying or not. no one can know If I'm a terrible friend behind their back or not. but I will know. and I like respecting myself.

"I'm Trying to Be like Jesus" plays in the back of my mind like a broken record, and I have no intentions of fixing it.

2009-03-20T18:28:00.001-07:00

bicycles

2009-03-14T00:46:00.001-07:00

I'm getting a bike now that I have a job and can afford it. I'm getting it instead of a car so I don't mind going all out and spending money on it. for about a year I've had my eye on the Mercier Kilo TT in green, but my sister's boyfriend recommended this Swobo and now I'm torn.

I love the green color on the mercier. but I'm starting to like the "galvanized" look of that swobo. The swobo is a better bike but also about 100 more than the mercier. I don't mind paying more now if it means less repairs later and a longer life.

I definitely want drop handlebars and that's my only real complaint about the look of the swobo. and I can get different handlebars no problem

they're both fixed gear single-speeds and super light weight.
BUT the Swobo Rear hub can be flipped if I want to run a single-speed freewheel which is a neat option

another cool thing i may or may not use is under the saddle for the swobo is a built in bottle opener

tomorrow I'm gonna try to get to the bike shop and check em out
can i get some opinions?

fif grade

2009-02-28T09:00:00.000-08:00

my band "fif grade" is starting to feel like a real band.

we have one recording up on our music myspace (www.myspace.com/fifgrade)of our song "uncharted"

the other day I was practicing with the guitarist Joshua and we recorded it on my camera just for fun. Our Keyboard player Micah was/is out of town so he's not in the video.

it's kind of quiet, but you get the idea

my babies!

2009-02-27T12:20:00.000-08:00

look how cute they are!

blah blah blah

2009-02-17T23:41:00.000-08:00

things are never the way they appear. I am very inaccurate when gauging situations. although I'm also perfectly fine with accepting actualities. even if they are harsh. the way i see it, is if you're sick and need a shot to get better, the shot may hurt a little bit but you aren't going to get any better until you get it over with. and the sooner the better.

I just remembered how in middle school I always spelled "very" with two r's. a girl in my history class would always point it out to me and correct me. I thought the girl was dumb though because I said reprimand to her once and she asked me if I made it up, with all this attitude. I learned that word from watching The Little Mermaid!!! where the heck are YOUR Disney movies girl-who-knows-how-to-spell -"very" -with-only-ONE-r.

haha

I still haven't found my husband. where on earth is he hiding.
blahblahblahblah

A better son/daugher

2009-02-12T11:22:00.000-08:00

the lyrics for this song by Rilo Kiley are my motto some times

look it up on playlist.com to listen to it

"And sometimes when you're on
You're really on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
You'll be better
And You'll be smarter
And More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy"

dancin in the moonlight

2009-02-07T13:46:00.000-08:00

so I know that I do dance ridiculously when we jam. I do it on purpose, I just didn't realize until watching this video how embarrassing it actually was. ha ha. if you could see Desi from this angle you would see we egg each other on with it

anyway, enjoy

here's a clip of poppa don on the bass guitar

about me

2009-01-30T20:58:00.000-08:00

my name is Alexandria but I go by alex
I'm pretty obvious
I dislike beating around bushes and sometimes forget about tact
I'm a hypocrite
I like to hang out with my sisters a lot
I think they find me annoying most of the time
I find it amusing to annoy them some of the time
I like to hang out with other people but am scared I'll annoy them too
I want to open a simple bakery
I want to get married and start a family in the next few years
Nobody can tell me to do things, because I never listen
Lately I've been doing everything my brother Nick tells me to do though.
It's annoying, but I'm somehow compelled to
I like the ideas of hippies
I might consider myself one if i wasn't such a prude
I have a tendency to keep my clothes until they are absolutely unwearable
sometimes I still wear things that should be thrown away
I have no real style
I'm only funny if you have the sense of humor of a grade-school student
I make these silly to do lists

2009 to do list
[]climb up a mountain
[]move out
[]take a guitar class
[x]take a singing class
[x][x][x][x][]write 5 new songs
[]donate time to a charity
[]perfect my lemon meringue pie
[x]be cooler
[]grow hair past shoulders
[x]successfully fast for something important to me
[x]read more non-fiction
[x]go to a presumably haunted house
[]re take failed classes from city
[]make more tie dye
[]go out of town to see someone rad preform
[] get hired
[] read bible cover to cover
[] read book of Mormon cover to cover
[x] get a tight road bike

2009-01-26T09:30:00.000-08:00

look look look!

2009-01-22T11:42:00.000-08:00

lately I've been having those days where i feel very boring. I can't think of a single thing to do and end up staying inside doing really nothing productive as a result. all the while wishing and hoping I'll find something to do. well the other day i was sick of it. I was determined not to spend another day indoors. I went outside and sat on the hammock getting warmed by the sun. then i climbed the tree in the backyard, just because I haven't climbed it since we tore down the tree fort. desi came outside asking what i was doing.
"why are you outside?"
"I am NOT going to spend today inside doing nothing"
then she took my picture in the tree.

her friend andrew came over and we walked across the street to the train tracks. it got pretty hot so we went back to the house.

That's when i decided to take a walk.
if i wanted to find something to do i wasn't going to find it in my backyard. so i walked all the way to Manchester mall.
as luck would have it, right as i was walking onto the malls parking lot, i ran into Kyle! i never see kyle, and if i hadn't taken that walk i wouldn't have seen him.
he was headed to Kelah's house so i joined him and we walked all the way to her house. we played video games for a while, then, Kelah got her mom to watch Brennon for her and we all went to go get taco's and paint the bathroom of this Music venue some people i know just bought and are fixing up.

after that fun, i got home and got a call from my friend corrina, who invited me to the movies with she and our friend christina. so I left again and we hung out for the rest of the night.

my goal was succesful. a full day OUT of the house doing INTERESTING things

2009-01-14T19:50:00.000-08:00

it's been entirely too long since I last posted anything on here. I blame it partly on my incredible sickness through christmas, but also a bit on pure laziness.

here is a little bit of a movie idea des and I had one night. the plan is to re do it all and make the story a little longer, but I was afraid our project had lost it's steam and all I had were these little clips we had fimed that night of our ideas and so i decided to put a movie together. hopefully after seing this desi and i will have another rush of passion for making this film and I will be able to show you the story of BEBE the way it was intended.

untill then, laugh at this.

It's really silly, so prepare yourself.

p.s.BSF is a little thing des and i made up and it stands for "best sisters forever!"
a play off of BFF (best friends forever)

picture post!

2008-11-27T19:05:00.000-08:00

when Amber came to town we had ourselves a bit of an adventure.

after lounging around Auntie Tree's for a while

Then I showed her around Tower district and all the fun building art around those parts

next we walked to Gramma's house. since it's currently vacant we took some liberties

we came so close to getting in, but no cigar.
we played in the backyard for a while. it's not the same back yard by any means. a swimming pool replaced the coy pond and a cemented basketball court replaced the magical splendor that once was. they did have a nice swing set.

an accidental video

I didn't get many shots of around the house at Auntie Trees but we spent to majority of the day there. Then we ended the night meeting up with the rest of the family at Denny's.

lesson number twohundred and forty three

2008-11-21T23:09:00.000-08:00

i said I'd update so here i am. sitting at the computer with a pile of clean folded laundry balancing on my head. I'm not doing this to be silly, though i know that it is, I'm doing it because I'm feeling too lazy to get up and put these folded clothes away and my head was the closest place for me to set them when my dad handed them to me.

my neck is starting to hurt a little bit (its a tall stack) so i think i'm going to place them elsewhere right about now.

and now that it's gone, my head feels all googly and light haha.

isn't it strange when you realize the weight of something you've been carrying around. It's like holding a grudge. you don't always realize what you're carrying around with you when you let yourself stay angry at someone but it can get pretty heavy.

I remember having a sort of epiphany my sophomore year in high school about it. I had let myself become obsessively angry at someone who I had to see at school every single day. one night in a dream I was hanging around with this person and there was no contention and I wasn't angry with them at all or thinking about how they'd wronged. we were just peacefully in each others company. Then I was waking up, and as I came out of the dream into reality, I felt the anger seep right back in. it let me feel how heavy it really was on my heart and whole being to carry around all that anger. It made me want to just let it go.

I think it was an answer to a prayer I'd had on constant around that time. "help me to love the people I don't know how to love and to forgive the people I don't know how to forgive". Even though I'd been praying to be able to forgive him, I really hadn't wanted to until that dream. I hadn't seen how holding the grudge effected me. And it really ONLY effected me.

there's a life lesson for you

I'm a new soul

2008-11-17T22:20:00.000-08:00

I'm lagging on my posting

this is what my Halloween costume looked, like in case you're still interested.

thank you, Auntie Tree, for taking the picture of me

I'll post something more interesting tomorrow, I'm rather tired presently.

I'm eating stale popped corn

2008-11-08T22:16:00.000-08:00

I'M EATING STALE POPCORN!

haha

hello dello

2008-11-06T22:24:00.000-08:00

I want to post up pictures of my Halloween costume but I'm gonna wait till Michele sends me the ones from her camera. for some reason I didn't take any of myself that night.

I was looking through my photobucket tonight and my mom stopped me at one from two years ago saying how much i looked like Mona at that age.

i decided to post it. what do you think auntie mo? bringing back memories of your teens?

to embellish on these pictures for you..

I had dyed my hair dark dark dark brown on a dare. Of course, my hair that won't hold color faded quickly and only the red-ish tints stayed. this was a few months after i dyed it, and it's nearly all blond again in this picture.

I was having hot chocolate with my step sister Sarah and good friend Chris when he decided to take pictures of me with his camera phone. that's the reason for the low quality and candidness of the pictures. In the top one I was mid sentence, and the bottom, i believe, i was blowing stray hairs from my face.

oh nostalgia.

i wish i had the ability to grow long hair. I'm always so antsy to cut it off once it gets anywhere below my shoulders, then as soon as its gone i look at pictures of my long hair and long for it back

and as much as I've come to terms with my hair not holding color and that blond does look good on me i wish i could have this color hair all the time

my favorite line in any of joes songs is this one

2008-11-01T17:08:00.000-07:00

"I'm a narcissistic communist in the sense that i like myself and don't believe in private property, obviously, since I'm letting you see everything thing inside of me. my inner intellect my desperate inner dimentional dying dialect. i'm giving you the road map to the place where my heart soul fingers and vocal chords intersect"
-Joe Del Rio; a.k.a. El Joe of the River

mhm

2008-10-31T12:04:00.000-07:00

early afternoons alone at home listening to music and eating rice crispy cereal. oh the splendor.

its really hard to believe that it's already halloween again. i guess last halloween seems like a year ago when i think of where i was working and how long my hair was and where i was living, but it just doesnt seem like that much time has passed.

so my native American princess costume is ready (thanks mom!). i don't really know whats so princess about my costume but that's what I'm calling it. i just hope it doesn't rain tonight. i'm hoping to go trick or treating with michele and the babies. I'll take lots of pictures. I'm unsure of what i'm doing after the trick or treating though.i want to do something scary like go to an abandoned building or a graveyard and tell scary stories and eat tons of candy.

i realized that i hardly EVER eat candy anymore. only if someone else is eating it and offers it to me.
but tonight i want a bunchhh

my camera is cool for what it is. but it'd be so sweet to have one of these big old fancy pants ones with the flash attachments and all the jazzy cool stuff

I want a job at a bakery so incredibly much!
i need to turn in applications at these bakery's

lauck's
Charlottes
La Bulangere

2008-10-29T23:30:00.000-07:00

we're talkin bout the issues but we're keepin it funky

2008-10-25T18:03:00.000-07:00

oh, and on a hilarious side note, a friend of mine sent me this today.

Brett made this fabulous little number due to the fact that i very much dislike my mothers rottweiler baron. mainly because of her farty nature. it didn't really soften my heart but it sure made me laugh.

fun with the neves girls

2008-10-22T12:56:00.000-07:00

honestly, its a great thing for a girl to have friends that are girls. unfortunately, i know a very small number who are friendship worthy. Kelah neves is one of those few.

yesterday i was over hanging out with she and her sister shanelle, and we walked over to these stables to go feed the horses some carrots. it was pretty fun. there was one blue eyed horse who was blind and i felt sorry for him. I wonder what use a blind horse would be. we took some funny pictures when we were leaving.

2008-10-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

yesterday lila was born! the first baby cabiness to have dark hair!

I took some pictures of the day

2008-10-16T11:21:00.000-07:00

so here are my doughnut buddies as mentioned in earlier posts. it's a bit of a shame that I'm always behind the camera and rarely show up in these pictures but you win some you lose some.

last night we all hung out again.

all of us included Bryan on the left, Joe on the right,

ollie, the doggie, and myself behind the camera as always.

last night we were listening to regina Spektor through those large amplifiers by joes head.
I'm a real fan of hers

2008-10-14T14:15:00.000-07:00

I'm a heart breaker dream maker love taker don't you mess around with me

what do you do when two boys are trying to win your heart and you can't decide which one would make the better suiter? what if i make the wrong decision? will i be able to go back for the other? i can't just toy with their emotions like that. why is it there was nobody knocking on my door just a few months ago and now everyone decided to show up at the same time

I did pretty well on my final yesterday, tomorrow i find out my grade.

I feel like a slacker with the lack of pictures. I'll post some up later

boy boy boy

2008-10-10T13:11:00.000-07:00

kelah always mentions how i say "boy" instead of guy. lately I'm extreamly tired of being single. and i've got options but i'm just so cautous about these things. one of the prospects is a catholic and not that that is a real problem except what if i fall in love and want to marry him? i won't be able to unless he decides to convert. and i know, how weird to thing about marriage before i even date him but i'm just a freak.

and talking about it with kelah, i really want a hippy guy with nasty cool hair. haha. I haven't met any in fresno but possibly in monterey

2008-10-07T17:05:00.000-07:00

"I said, honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified

Come on put a little love here in my void, - he said
its all in your head, and I said, sos everything -
But he didnt get it - I thought he was a man
But he was just a little boy" - Fiona Apple, paper bag

I love that playlist i put up here. so many good songs. I hope you enjoy them as much as I

i got my test back this morning, and I got 100% on it. woo! only three of us in the class got a's and i guess most people didn't do well so i feel pretty good about it. now as long as i can handle the practical test on Monday I'll be good

but man i was so nervous about getting back this test! I was the very last person in the class to finish and that's never happened before so i figured i maybe did it wrong. it may have been that I wrote out very complete answers and thats why it took me so long. my paper was covered with essay type answers. I got 100% on the first chapter test we did, but that time I was the very first person to finish the test. how funny

I'm looking up culiary schools in monterey, i may move there in january with a few friends. i just need to save up a little money before that happens. nick and des are always giving me crap about moving out again anyway. it could be really great.

sprinkled or glazed?

2008-10-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

i feel i have more of a right to eat at the 24 hour donut house then my clovis friends do. not that i should feel that way, i just found myself annoyed that they were hanging out there the other night when i went with bryan and joe haha.

i expected we'd go there, enjoy our usual donuts, sit at our usual spot, see the usual vagrants, and read some of the short stories out of bagombo snuff box.

instead when we walked in at something after 12 a.m. (our usual time) there were 12 of my friends who live across town hanging out there makin all this noise! they were invading on my donut relaxation time!

i was a little more than happy to see them all march out after someone said "i could totally go for some ramen right about now" and they all cheered in agreement.

anyway. thats all that's new

tomorrow i have my chapter test on mise en place

desi and i are creeps

oh! hello

2008-10-02T15:21:00.000-07:00

hey Michele, i guess i could sign up after all.

today i baby sat for Michele while she had her doctors appointment, though it hardly felt like baby sitting at all. right as they called Michele in from the waiting room I took Elsie to the van to change her diaper and by the time we were headed back to the toys in the waiting room, Michele was walking out. really i just hung out with Chele last night and this morning. it is only 3:22 p.m. and I'm ready for my third nap of the day. Now this is what i call a lazy day.

last night Chele and i were halfway brainstorming about what i should do for my final coming up in a week. I have to come up with three courses, the combined food cost for all three dishes served has to be five dollars or less, and i'm given 90 minutes start to cleaned up. also i turn in my menu before hand so if i deviate from that at all it's an automatic fail. i better practice whatever i choose pretty good cause i won't be able to improvise should something go wrong.

today this menu sounds good to me:
Tomato soup
Green Salad
Pasta and Cheese casserole
sure, it's a little booring but i'll make it taste fabulous and I'm too nervous about the time limit to do anything extravogant.

the other day at borders i bought "Bagombo Snuff Box" which is a collection of previously uncollected short fiction stories by Kurt Vonnegut. after reading only the introduction I was extreamly enticed and the first story didn't dissapoint.

maybe if i sleep enough today, i'll have energy to go run up and down the stairs at FHS tonight.