Resolutions

It's a new year but I can barely believe that its been a year since last January in Texas. Sure we've done a million things as a family and so on paper it makes sense, but holy goodness, where did the time go?

Last year I didn't make any resolutions. I think I was just trying to get through the year most of the time actually. I was ready to give birth, ready to move, then ready to settle down. But NOW, I am settled. I'm not feeling rushed towards any one thing and life is a lot more calm. At least as calm as 2 babies and 1 mom inside a house for most of the day can be.

So when 2014 hit, I said to myself, this is the year of productivity for me. and I mean that in kind of a selfish way. I spend the majority of the days trying to be the best I can be for the boys in my life, the little ones and the big one, but a lot of the time it really stressed me out, and sometimes I felt like I was losing myself. I have a lot of things I would like to start doing for myself that are really just for me, and this is the year where I find the balance and the time to start working on those things

So I've made these goals for myself

Make 10 event Cakes this year (if I have no events, just make the cakes anyway)

Stop yelling so much (more about finding my balance)

start sewing those projects I never could find time for

and so this year, I'm going to hold myself to these promises. I know they might seem simple, but that's because they are. And simple or not, I can tell that this year is going to be a good one.

update

I've been meaning to update for an entire month it seems, but with the Holidays at hand time was just rushing past me. I made a real effort to not let myself become so busy that I wouldn't be able to appreciate the holidays, and really it was very nice year. We stayed home which was nice. It's always sad not to have the people we love to celebrate with us, but there is also something special about having just the 4 of us together.

I made an early Resolution a few months ago to become less attached to the electronics in my life and I feel like it's had a positive impact on me. I had originally only planned to do it for a month or so but I think I might just stay Facebook free. For now at least.

Henry is 6 months old in 6 days. I cannot believe that! He's almost crawling now, and really he gets around pretty quick just wiggling and rolling toward the things he wants. I can't get enough of that boy with his wide eyes and big toothless grins. And he makes the cutest noises! Aside from his grunts and snores(which I also adore) he squeaks and coos and it kills me every time.

Cecil is old enough for nursery at church now and it's so fun to see him interact with kids who are his age. He recently (overnight it seems) developed a realization of possession and he runs around the house all day taking his trucks and hot wheels from Henry. It's not the cutest thing, but I'm sure he'll figure out sharing soon. He's an incredible climber and we always seem to find him up on the kitchen table. He loves anything with wheels, and will pretend that just about anything is a train if he can push it along the floor and say "tooo toooooo" 

I'm so ready for Cecil to be potty trained. We've tried a few "naked days" but there has been more pee pee on the floor than in the potty just yet. I think it can be done soon, I just need to clear my plate a little bit so I can dedicate an entire week (at least) to being in full training mode. 

"I'm trying to be brave cause when I'm brave other people feel brave but I feel like my heart is caving in"

I don't necessarily even like the song that those lyrics are from, but that line comes at the end and repeats itself several times and every time it just hits me right in the heart.

I believe that everyone has struggles in their lives that are hidden from the rest of the world. When I can remember that, I have so much love for the people I would otherwise find hard to love. We are all fighting the same battle, just in different ways. I hope that someday we all come out victors but in the meantime, while we're trying to be brave so other people can feel brave, lets all try to help each other out in whatever ways we know how. and know that some people are better at being brave than others, but that doesn't mean that their hearts don't cave in sometimes too.

I had my doubts, but Halloween actually happened this year in the Mears home!

We knew what we wanted to dress the boys up as, but we didn't like the costume selection at any of the Halloween stores. We both agreed that I could sew up better costumes pretty easily. But then there was the matter of actually finding time to do it.

 time AND motivation.

Since I've had my sewing machine (about 4 months) I have bought fabric for 2 projects and barely finished the cutting process before leaving them to the wayside out of a mix of excuses and anxiety about ruining them. I mentioned this to my dad a month or so and he made the absolutely logical point that if I never even try to make it then its the same as if I had ruined it. except I never even tried so I couldn't learn from it.

So as Halloween drew ever closer I got a mixture of sadness at the idea that the boys wouldn't have any fun with the Halloween festivities, and a terrible knot in my gut wondering if I could even pull it off. luckily the first feeling was the strongest, and I made it down to the fabric store with just a few days to spare. I literally spent 3 days (Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday right up until go time) hunched over my sewing table. 

there was some definite trial and error. quite a few phone calls to my mother, many google searches for tutorial inspiration, and many moments of overwhelming frustration. But, when we finally took that stroll outside and around the neighborhood, I was so proud of my handiwork! 

I made a few mistakes that I didn't have time to fix, but I'm probably the only one who would notice them. I had Christian look over Cecil's blue shirt to try to find my mistake. it took him a minute to find it, and even then the first thing out of his mouth was "nobody is ever going to notice that". thank goodness for husbands with encouraging positivity.

this was the begining of my trial run. I used one of Christians old PT shirts that he nevers wears anymore. it was actually the perfect color and so I kept telling myself that it might actually be usable. It definitely didnt work. it gave me the confidence I needed though to take on the rest of  the task. one simple pattern revision and the second attempt fit just perfect. when I sent this pictire to Christian he thought my pin container was a tail. I can see it now.

here is the blue shirt. I had used Cecils beatles shirt for a pattern. in the background is the completed second attempt at Henrys costume, this time made from fleece.

And here they are! Finn and Jake from adventure time! Cecils hat was the hardest thing to figure out and even though I was pretty unhappy with it and had no time to try again, when he had it on with the rest of the costume it looked just fine.

What time is it?...

ADVENTURE TIME

Home

Here we are in San Diego and I feel like I can finally breathe. 

Knowing for a certainty that we would move within a year really took a toll on me. Try as I might to settle in and make Texas feel like home, I always had a looming end date in my mind. I spent basically an entire year feeling unsettled, but its only taken 2 and a half weeks here for me to feel like I'm home.

 You could argue that its the fact that I'm living in California again, and that family is close, or even that I'm not pregnant anymore. and maybe all of those are true as well. but I find myself walking through the halls and thinking to myself, "This is our home. The neighbors next door are going to be our neighbors for the next several YEARS"

Four Years might not sound so long to someone else, but right now it sounds to me like Cecil and Henry will be 4 and 5 years old. and to me, that sounds like plenty of life will be lived here.

I'm wanting to make a new start, because I feel like suddenly I've been given a clean slate and I can be a better person if I want to. So I'm making some changes in my life. I'm cutting out the bulk of my distractions in an effort to be a more productive and happy person. I would like to keep up with this blog more regularly because this is one of the very few electronic features in my life that could actually enrich my family to an extent. I think it's good to have your family history written down somewhere, and this is a form of journal-ing really.

so here is to fresh starts and new beginnings.

ask and you shall recieve

my anniversary present this year was a sewing machine! 

I was, and am still so excited about it! its not the most fancy machine, but its perfect for me to learn on. I grew up around my mother sewing and two of my sisters picked it up too, so usually I just had to find one of them if I ever needed something sewn up. However, that has not continued to be true now that I live many many hours and states apart from my family. For some reason though, I would still hold on to things that needed to be fixed. I had collected a nice little pile of projects that I had no way to actually tackle. I tried a few of them by hand, but really, how much can you really do by hand? Not much when you've got a baby and many other more important things vying for your care and attention. This machine is really what I needed!

 My (immensely small) prior knowledge helped me to get in the swing of things and I've sewn a few things already. mostly just cloth wipes for Cecil, and mostly because I'm still learning how to make my seams as straight as possible, but I have been able to sew Christian's patches on for his boyscout uniform (by the way, he's Scout Master over here) and if I get really brave maybe I can sew some jumpers for Cecil and baby Henry 

DISCLAIMER: Henry is not his official name yet, but its what I call him cause Christian isn't giving me any suggestions

2 years

Its been two years already?! I mean, I guess we've lived enough life in that time for it to make sense. we've moved a couple times, had a baby, joined the navy, bought 2 cars (I wrecked one), we're gearing up for another lil guy, and a few months after that another move! (to who knows where). and since our life is so dang crazy I just am glad that I have someone I love to do the crazy dance with.

I love you baby.