i said I'd update so here i am. sitting at the computer with a pile of clean folded laundry balancing on my head. I'm not doing this to be silly, though i know that it is, I'm doing it because I'm feeling too lazy to get up and put these folded clothes away and my head was the closest place for me to set them when my dad handed them to me.
my neck is starting to hurt a little bit (its a tall stack) so i think i'm going to place them elsewhere right about now.
and now that it's gone, my head feels all googly and light haha.
isn't it strange when you realize the weight of something you've been carrying around. It's like holding a grudge. you don't always realize what you're carrying around with you when you let yourself stay angry at someone but it can get pretty heavy.
I remember having a sort of epiphany my sophomore year in high school about it. I had let myself become obsessively angry at someone who I had to see at school every single day. one night in a dream I was hanging around with this person and there was no contention and I wasn't angry with them at all or thinking about how they'd wronged. we were just peacefully in each others company. Then I was waking up, and as I came out of the dream into reality, I felt the anger seep right back in. it let me feel how heavy it really was on my heart and whole being to carry around all that anger. It made me want to just let it go.
I think it was an answer to a prayer I'd had on constant around that time. "help me to love the people I don't know how to love and to forgive the people I don't know how to forgive". Even though I'd been praying to be able to forgive him, I really hadn't wanted to until that dream. I hadn't seen how holding the grudge effected me. And it really ONLY effected me.
there's a life lesson for you
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