hey guess what? I've decided I'm going on a mission! I turn 21 in September, so I've got till then to study study study and save save save.
when I finalized my decision I told a number of people. for some reason a part of me was waiting for someone to tell me "NO! Don't go! I can't live with you gone for a whole year and a half!!!" I got no such reaction. everyone was very supportive and glad about it. people at church keep telling me "well that's unless you get married first". I've been in that ward for a year with just abut no perspective marriage types. I really doubt that in a matter of 8 little months I'm going to meet mister right, and magically fall in love. I'm as single as can be, and as happy as can be. Also super excited and nervous.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Saturday, November 14, 2009
i don't like watching documentaries full of one sided information. there is much more middle ground then there are extremes. I'm sure everything they show is true, but leaving out the complete picture makes it all feel like a lie.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Jay and i broke up, and it turns out it was for the better
anywho, look at this! i cut my hair and you get the full effect of it just by watching this relatively short video clip
anywho, look at this! i cut my hair and you get the full effect of it just by watching this relatively short video clip
Saturday, October 10, 2009
the reason I don't update this blog more often is that along with blogger, I update a facebook, live journal, myspace, and twitter account. and I can't bring myself to re post on any for fear someone will happen upon it and then call me out on my unoriginality. or that they'll tell me to delete one of my way too many blogging sites.
but here I am to update. I've been nannying for the past month and a half or so. It is really hard work. I'm sure if I were a mother I would know more of how to handle sticky situations or tantrums that last half of the day, but I'm getting better at it. The two little boys, Peyton and Logan, are at tough ages. 3 and a half years, and six months. Logan, the baby, requires almost all of my attention all of the time. but so does Peyton with his rowdiness. I was super stressed out the first couple of weeks but it's gotten better. I work from 5:30 am to 3:00 pm Tuesday through Friday and then Saturdays I don't work till 7:30. it's nice to get more sleep on Saturday, but I don't get home till 530 usually and am too tired to do anything fun usually. I'm hoping to find something that's a little less demanding of my time, and Michele really wants this job, so I won"t have to worry about abandoning their mother with no options.
I'm dating a Boy named Jay. We met around the middle of July and have been dating ever since. I'm not really sure how it'll pan out later on, but things are pretty nice right now. but then I think that that's a really lame way to look at things. basically, I know I wouldn't marry him. not unless huge huge changes were made. and I'm not really betting on those changes ever happening. he knows what I'm looking for ultimately and that he doesn't actually fit that, and sometimes I feel like we're both just conveniently ignoring the fact. but lately I'm worried that the longer I wait the bigger the mess will be when it all comes to a head. I'm emotionally attached, yes, but not as attached as I might be in a few months. or a year. basically, I don't want to waste my time and emotions on something that I know won't last. but it's nice to not be alone, and I really do like him for a lot of other reasons.
The big Fresno Fair is in town. I ate the most Delicious chocolate hazelnut gelato ever when I went yesterday. Oh! I saw the beach boys! they were so good. I couldn't get over how cute those old men were with their dance moves hahaha. but seriously, that gelato. I'm going back before the fair's over just so I can get another taste.
speaking of sugary foods. I'm putting myself on a diet. not to lose weight necessarily, but more as a preventative action. since I've been working such early and long shifts I've found myself sleep deprived and craving nothing but sugar sugar sugar. and I love sugar so much that I didn't think much of it at first and let myself eat whatever i wanted, but I was still super tired all the time and didn't feel good about it. so I put a stop to the candy intake. anytime I crave junk food I find something substantial for me to eat and get full on that so the sugar cravings will leave me alone. so far it's worked...except I let myself go wild at the fair. because come on, it's the fair. one day of junk food won't kill me. not today at least.
but here I am to update. I've been nannying for the past month and a half or so. It is really hard work. I'm sure if I were a mother I would know more of how to handle sticky situations or tantrums that last half of the day, but I'm getting better at it. The two little boys, Peyton and Logan, are at tough ages. 3 and a half years, and six months. Logan, the baby, requires almost all of my attention all of the time. but so does Peyton with his rowdiness. I was super stressed out the first couple of weeks but it's gotten better. I work from 5:30 am to 3:00 pm Tuesday through Friday and then Saturdays I don't work till 7:30. it's nice to get more sleep on Saturday, but I don't get home till 530 usually and am too tired to do anything fun usually. I'm hoping to find something that's a little less demanding of my time, and Michele really wants this job, so I won"t have to worry about abandoning their mother with no options.
I'm dating a Boy named Jay. We met around the middle of July and have been dating ever since. I'm not really sure how it'll pan out later on, but things are pretty nice right now. but then I think that that's a really lame way to look at things. basically, I know I wouldn't marry him. not unless huge huge changes were made. and I'm not really betting on those changes ever happening. he knows what I'm looking for ultimately and that he doesn't actually fit that, and sometimes I feel like we're both just conveniently ignoring the fact. but lately I'm worried that the longer I wait the bigger the mess will be when it all comes to a head. I'm emotionally attached, yes, but not as attached as I might be in a few months. or a year. basically, I don't want to waste my time and emotions on something that I know won't last. but it's nice to not be alone, and I really do like him for a lot of other reasons.
The big Fresno Fair is in town. I ate the most Delicious chocolate hazelnut gelato ever when I went yesterday. Oh! I saw the beach boys! they were so good. I couldn't get over how cute those old men were with their dance moves hahaha. but seriously, that gelato. I'm going back before the fair's over just so I can get another taste.
speaking of sugary foods. I'm putting myself on a diet. not to lose weight necessarily, but more as a preventative action. since I've been working such early and long shifts I've found myself sleep deprived and craving nothing but sugar sugar sugar. and I love sugar so much that I didn't think much of it at first and let myself eat whatever i wanted, but I was still super tired all the time and didn't feel good about it. so I put a stop to the candy intake. anytime I crave junk food I find something substantial for me to eat and get full on that so the sugar cravings will leave me alone. so far it's worked...except I let myself go wild at the fair. because come on, it's the fair. one day of junk food won't kill me. not today at least.
Monday, September 7, 2009
i fell into a rut a while ago. I've finally got the motivation to dig myself outta there. today I'm getting a bike for desi from Kelah so that me and desi can go on bike rides together. I'd also like to go the the library today and check out some books. corrina and Josh really want to see me today, but they're in kind of a fight and so I can't hang out with them together perfectly comfortably. how lame, huh. I've been feeling like I've found my direction again. now i just have to make sure I keep my feet on the path and don't get distracted by stupid things along the way.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
ha ha
if I die at least by the time I'm 38, then THIS could be my midlife crisis =)
how sweet.
my life is pretty smooth lately
how sweet.
my life is pretty smooth lately
Friday, August 7, 2009
tag you're it
hmmm... I'm gonna tag my good old friend Wind. I haven't hung out with her since kindergarten or something. ha ha ha
1. First thing you wash in the shower? my poor dry hair so i can condition it for as long as possible
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Grey. it's not very comfy, it's just my favorite cause i got it from a friend
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? no, that ship is sailed. hopefully soon I can answer this question differently though ;)
4. Do you plan outfits? not really. my outfit is constantly changing until I walk out the door
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? good. a litte nauseous
6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red? My red EFY T-shirt
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? Last night I was talking to my friend Alexis about her boy problems, then all of the sudden the was talking about "Alexis" as if it wasn't her. and right then the boy she was talking about appeared and they were both telling me this story about him and Alexis. it didn't seem weird until I woke up and thought about it.
8. Did you meet anybody new today? Not yet, but the day is young
9. What are you craving right now? I'm not hungry
10. Do you floss? every day
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? the answers LoRen and michele gave. hah
12. Are you emotional? I'd say no. but I tear up often at church and if someone else is crying I'll cry for them.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? it's not likely
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick or kinda slurp haha. I have sensitive teeth
15. Do you like your hair? I'm liking it more and more everyday. it seems hair and regret go hand in hand so I'm over the idea of cutting it anymore
16. Do you like yourself? mostly.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W.Bush? only if he promised not to make me look like a fool by talking about politics.
18. What are you listening to right now? I wish I caould say something good, but my house is silent
19. Were your parents strict? I was allowed to do basically whatever I wanted to when I got to high school, but before that, kinda.
20. Would you go sky diving? I'd die of anxiety before I ever hit the ground
21. Do you like cottage cheese? I love cottage cheese with pepper. none of that fruity none sense
22. Have you met a celebrity? nah
23. Do you rent movies often? nope
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in right now?m nails are kinda sparkly
25. How many countries have you visited? the U.S. of A.
26. Have you made a prank phone call? yes! haha
27. Ever been on a train? yes
28. Brown or white eggs? the brown ones are pretty
29.Do you have a cell-phone? kinda
30.Do you use chapstick? everyday
31. Do you own a gun? eek, no way
32. Can you use chop sticks? Yes.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight? Jay is coming over later to make me food and watch a movie
34.Are you too forgiving? I don't think it's possible to be too forgiving. I think people confuse forgiveness with allowance though, and that's the thing people need to pull the plug on.
35. Ever been in love? once or twice someone has made my heart ache.
36. What are your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? I'll ask my sisters later today when I see them at auntie Treesie's.
37. Ever have cream puffs? yumm. i mean yess
38. Last time you cried? I woke up sobbing from a dream where desi died. when I layed down to sleep again I had the same dream but with nick, then another dream with loRen and I decided not to try to sleep anymore that night. I don't remember last time I actually sobbed so much .
39. What was the last question you asked? "hello?"
40. Favorite time of the year? I love the spring. I get robbed of it living in fresno, but it's still my favorite
41. Do you have any tattoos? not now not ever
42. Are you sarcastic? I used to be more sarcastic
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? years ago
44. Ever walked into a wall? no doubt
45. Favorite color? teals and golds lately
46. Have you ever slapped someone? I used to slap my friend Armanni all the time in high school.
47. Is your hair curly? just kinda wavy
48. What was the last CD you bought? it's been years and years and years
49. Do looks matter? a little bit
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? hmm. I'm sure they'd deserve a second chance, but I can't guarantee I'd be the one to give it.
51. Is your phone bill sky high? nah
52 Do you like your life right now? A job would make it sooo much better
53. Do you sleep with the T.V. on? no way jose
54. Can you handle the truth? better than a lie for sure
55. Do you have good vision? I need to get my eyes checked
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? unfortunately I dislike quite a few people. I wish people were less scummy. I need help to fully forgive that's for sure.
57. How often do you talk on the phone? rarely
58. The last person you held hands with? Elsie
59. What are you wearing?blue running shorts and a red EFY T-shirt
60.What is your favorite animal? kitties
61. Where was your profile picture taken? I believe it was at a 24 hour donut house. unless it's the one at the studio. one of those atleast
62. Can you hula hoop? hecka
63. Do you have a job? not really
64. What was the most recent thing you bought? hmm. i think it was french fries a week ago or something
65. Have you ever crawled through a window? often times I lock myself out of places. and when a door is closed usually there is an open window
1. First thing you wash in the shower? my poor dry hair so i can condition it for as long as possible
2. What color is your favorite hoodie? Grey. it's not very comfy, it's just my favorite cause i got it from a friend
3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? no, that ship is sailed. hopefully soon I can answer this question differently though ;)
4. Do you plan outfits? not really. my outfit is constantly changing until I walk out the door
5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? good. a litte nauseous
6. Whats the closest thing to you that's red? My red EFY T-shirt
7. Tell me about the last dream you remember having? Last night I was talking to my friend Alexis about her boy problems, then all of the sudden the was talking about "Alexis" as if it wasn't her. and right then the boy she was talking about appeared and they were both telling me this story about him and Alexis. it didn't seem weird until I woke up and thought about it.
8. Did you meet anybody new today? Not yet, but the day is young
9. What are you craving right now? I'm not hungry
10. Do you floss? every day
11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? the answers LoRen and michele gave. hah
12. Are you emotional? I'd say no. but I tear up often at church and if someone else is crying I'll cry for them.
13. Have you ever counted to 1,000? it's not likely
14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? lick or kinda slurp haha. I have sensitive teeth
15. Do you like your hair? I'm liking it more and more everyday. it seems hair and regret go hand in hand so I'm over the idea of cutting it anymore
16. Do you like yourself? mostly.
17. Would you go out to eat with George W.Bush? only if he promised not to make me look like a fool by talking about politics.
18. What are you listening to right now? I wish I caould say something good, but my house is silent
19. Were your parents strict? I was allowed to do basically whatever I wanted to when I got to high school, but before that, kinda.
20. Would you go sky diving? I'd die of anxiety before I ever hit the ground
21. Do you like cottage cheese? I love cottage cheese with pepper. none of that fruity none sense
22. Have you met a celebrity? nah
23. Do you rent movies often? nope
24. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in right now?m nails are kinda sparkly
25. How many countries have you visited? the U.S. of A.
26. Have you made a prank phone call? yes! haha
27. Ever been on a train? yes
28. Brown or white eggs? the brown ones are pretty
29.Do you have a cell-phone? kinda
30.Do you use chapstick? everyday
31. Do you own a gun? eek, no way
32. Can you use chop sticks? Yes.
33. Who are you going to be with tonight? Jay is coming over later to make me food and watch a movie
34.Are you too forgiving? I don't think it's possible to be too forgiving. I think people confuse forgiveness with allowance though, and that's the thing people need to pull the plug on.
35. Ever been in love? once or twice someone has made my heart ache.
36. What are your best friend(s) doing tomorrow? I'll ask my sisters later today when I see them at auntie Treesie's.
37. Ever have cream puffs? yumm. i mean yess
38. Last time you cried? I woke up sobbing from a dream where desi died. when I layed down to sleep again I had the same dream but with nick, then another dream with loRen and I decided not to try to sleep anymore that night. I don't remember last time I actually sobbed so much .
39. What was the last question you asked? "hello?"
40. Favorite time of the year? I love the spring. I get robbed of it living in fresno, but it's still my favorite
41. Do you have any tattoos? not now not ever
42. Are you sarcastic? I used to be more sarcastic
43. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? years ago
44. Ever walked into a wall? no doubt
45. Favorite color? teals and golds lately
46. Have you ever slapped someone? I used to slap my friend Armanni all the time in high school.
47. Is your hair curly? just kinda wavy
48. What was the last CD you bought? it's been years and years and years
49. Do looks matter? a little bit
50. Could you ever forgive a cheater? hmm. I'm sure they'd deserve a second chance, but I can't guarantee I'd be the one to give it.
51. Is your phone bill sky high? nah
52 Do you like your life right now? A job would make it sooo much better
53. Do you sleep with the T.V. on? no way jose
54. Can you handle the truth? better than a lie for sure
55. Do you have good vision? I need to get my eyes checked
56. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people? unfortunately I dislike quite a few people. I wish people were less scummy. I need help to fully forgive that's for sure.
57. How often do you talk on the phone? rarely
58. The last person you held hands with? Elsie
59. What are you wearing?blue running shorts and a red EFY T-shirt
60.What is your favorite animal? kitties
61. Where was your profile picture taken? I believe it was at a 24 hour donut house. unless it's the one at the studio. one of those atleast
62. Can you hula hoop? hecka
63. Do you have a job? not really
64. What was the most recent thing you bought? hmm. i think it was french fries a week ago or something
65. Have you ever crawled through a window? often times I lock myself out of places. and when a door is closed usually there is an open window
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